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I contacted my solicitor and I have a right to know where X lives

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Well it sems I have a right to know where my children stay when they are with X, so I'm going to tell her that before B and G stay with her, I need to know the address of where she lives.

I found this out by dropping an email to my solicitor, and she replied within an hour - so nice to get some reassure quickly, rather than having to worry about it.

Incidentally, X hasn't got any beds or furniture yet, but we have agreed that the children with be resident with me (atleast thats the legal term for it), and only stay with X two nights a week.

That will start with X has got her new place setup for B and G.

A milestone reached as X has moved out

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X moved out today.

We agreed and disagreed over some things she wanted to take last night, and she moved out everything of hers and what we agreed during the course of today.

She had the cheek to ask if I would help her get stuff into her car! Obviously I said no..

The house is noticably different with less things in it. She has left most things behind, but daft things like she took half the plates in the kitchen - so even though there are myself, B and G, there aren't quite enough to go around.

She won't tell me where shes moving too - apart from that its in a neighbouring town - but no more than 10 miles away.. I asked her if shes moving in with someone, but she said no..

So, as per the name of a 1978 album by Genesis - "and then there were three"..

I have been to a solicitor and feel a lot more assured

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I've been to see a local solicitor that deals primarily with divorce and they are based in my town.

Essentially, she (the solicitor) said to ignore the threatening tone of the letter I'd received - as it was all meant to intimidate me. She said to get all the paperwork done in what is now a week, is just a complete joke - so she will write to them informing them of such.

Some things I learnt which I wasn't aware of, and may help other people in the same circumstances are:

1. The "divorce" part of a marriage is purely the separation of the individuals from a legal perspective. The divorce does not include anything to do with the financial side of things, assets or children.

2. Courts are extremely unlikely to impose a change to anything the individuals decide, but if no decision is made, they will decide what they think best. So if individuals agree on a 60-40 split of assets and children go to non-resident parent every other weekend, then courts rarely would change that arrangement.

3. The cost of a divorce can be around £450-£600 (with the solicitor I've chosen). As there are children and some assets involved, the quickie divorce route isn't recommended as there are wider things to consider. As I'm not the one filing for divorce, I do feel some degree of comfort knowing that X also has to pay similar costs to me, but also about £350 in court fees which I won't have to!

4. The financial side of the divorce process can be extremely costly - and really depends on how long and indepth the agreements take to be reached. So arguing over who gets the cat for 4 weeks could cost £1000 in solicitors letters - and how much does each party love the cat!

5. As X is looking to divorce me, I could contest the divorce - ie. disagree or object to it - but it would result in more legal wranglings and is extremely unlikely to change anything.

After being extremely nervous, being bombarded with information, I hopefully managed to write enough notes but I was happier leaving the meeting. Unfortunately I've got to start paying the solicitors costs now and have to pay £500... I've also got a huge document to complete on everything on the financial side of our marriage - from annual income from both myself and X, assets, mortgages, property etc.. X also has to do the same it seems and I guess they check to make sure they mount up.

After getting back from seeing the solicitor and walking through the door with B and G, there was a note from X saying that shes moving all her things out in 2 days time!

Quickie divorce is not that quick

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X has surprised me by not filing for a quickie divorce - for some reason. "ap uk" did leave a comment on my last post that, and quoting them "women do not leave without someone to go to". In some ways that would make it easier if that was the case - although my emotions are all over the place at present so who knows how I'd feel.

To recap the last few weeks, X has been doing her usual disappearing act and very rarely around. The children have been with me every weekend and evening for the last 6+ weeks. I think X has mislaid her maternal genes - although I am not complaining about that.

Being possibly slightly naive, I was waiting to receive something in the post about the quickie divorce that X said she was going to file. Rather than contact a solicitor in advance, I for some reason hoped that things would change - so I didn't contact any solicitor.

But after the weekend, I'm going to have to. I've received a letter from her solicitor with a whole load of requests for a whole load of things I don't understand. From the wording, I've got 10 days (from the time I received it - meaning it took 4 days to get to me) to appoint a solicitor (if I wish), return everything to them - otherwise they will pursue some legal route...

More updates to come. As always, if you are reading this and have any comments, please leave them as they are read!

Throughly stressed and depressed

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I've read, whether rightly or wrongly, that even though parents of children are equal in the eyes of the law, the divorce process usually favours the mother.

The prospect of only seeing my children at weekends physically makes me feel sick - to the point of having actually been sick. I have an appointment with a local solicitor next week to talk it all through... Oh joy!

X is still bulldozing ahead. Shes still in the spare room when shes around. Shes still carrying on with work as normal. Shes told all our friends that we are getting divorced. Shes doing and talking a lot. But not to me. Despite me asking several times why shes continuing this process, she just keep saying that she just doesn't want to be married any more.

It doesn't make sense to me, and I really and still thrown by the whole thing. There is no negotiation or talking that shes willing to do. Shes destroying lives here - and I feel so helpless.

One of the worst feelings is lying in bed at night, my mind churning things over. Its stressful, depressing and thoroughly miserable to even contemplate not being married, how B and G will be affected etc.

X said some really spiteful things last night after she got back from work (conveniently after B and G were in bed), and if she ever changes her mind, I'm not sure I could ever forgive her...

Its all moving too fast

ddd, dd MMM yyyy HH:mm:ss GMT

This is all moving too fast.. After over 8 1/2 years of marriage, X is applying for a "quickie divorce" and bulldozing it through. I really don't feel in control of anything and some friends have said that I need to see a solicitor - which I agree with them on.

Reading various sites on the internet, if I'm right, the divorce part is relatively straight forward and is just the legal part of the process - but the financial side of it, especially if children are involved is separate and needs specialist advice sought on.

X doesn't seem to have much interest, or said anything about B and G in the future. I'm quite a hands-on Dad and did more than my fair share of nappies, feeding, sick-clearing up, middle of night feeds etc, and I love my children. X on the other hand loves her job and occasional nights away with "work" - or have they been work. I still think shes having an affair.

My name is Simon and my wife wants a divorce

ddd, dd MMM yyyy HH:mm:ss GMT

I got married 8 1/2 years ago to a girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with - I'll call her X going forward as shes determined to be my ex-wife, so X sounds quite fitting. We have two children aged 4 and 5 - a girl and boy who I'll refer to as G and B.

X dropped a bombshell 9 days, 11 hours ago. Her words will always be etched on my mind and were "I don't want to be married to you any more and I want a divorce".

Before the sceptics comment, I can hand on heart guarantee that that I have been 100% faithful to X since our first kiss many years ago. I've never had an affair and my family are the most important thing in my life and I would never do anything to jepodise that.

In all the years we've been together as a couple, X has sometimes said that shes "bored" with life, but wanting a divorce is not something to joke about. But unfortunately she is deadly serious.

When she told me, I was being completely gobsmacked and naturally I asked questions. I wanted to know why. I wanted her to talk. But instead she refused to. "I won't change my mind" she said - then stormed off upstairs. She moved all her clothes and personal items into the spare room and our marital bedroom only has my things in it.

In the last 9 days, shes done everything she can to avoid being at home with myself, G and B. When Seeing them so happy and knowing that my marriage is breaking down is heart breaking and it literally brings me to tears. I love my children, and I will do everything to keep them.

The internet is a great tool for finding information, or answers to questions. I actually came across this site when trying to find out more.

I think X is having an affair too as last weekend, she left on Friday morning and didn't come back until Monday night. Not a word of "I'll be away", just disappeared completely. I did ask her on the Monday night about whether she was having an affair, and she said no. I don't believe her as my trust in her has diminished completely.

Children are quite perceptive, despite B and G being only 4 and 5. They ask where "mummy" is and even why shes not sleeping in the same bed as "daddy". What do you say to children?

Going through a divorce - guest post by Simon

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We've received a lot of excellent feedback from visitors to this site - making us proud to be able to help out other people who are going through the divorce process.

One such visitor, we'll call Simon, has asked to "guest blog" and post his diary of going through a divorce. Over the coming weeks, he'll be writing from personal experience of going through a divorce, the emotional turmoil, the stresses, the costs and the inevitable outcome.